Devilish Incursion

Two words, Three letters.

Ramming Speed
TPK

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The Events Leading Up To The Return Of Our Protagonist

THUD

The crew of The Airship are neither confused, perplexed, or surprised in any way as 300 pounds of wood and metal slam into the surface of the airship, with a surprisingly human scream. Until it was clarified as the one of flesh bounced off the deck, onto something more satisfying below. Enters the cleric, THOR. Plot goes on.
LAW decides something needs to die, so the crew of The Airship dutifully obey. After killing something and ripping plot out of it’s chest, they use THOR to communicate with St. Cuthbert, and ask many arbitrary questions. Shortly after, they summon our hero Im, and the story continues. After much decision making and ultimately a player choice to not be the sole cause of a TPK (or embarassing suicide), they make some bad choices and summon Satan. Resume is 9 hours.

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NATURAL 1!

LAW! Bottom of the sea! Grabs TERORBYTE’s derelict! Swims to surface! Dives back in! Baits merfolk child with shinies! Kidnaps child and surfaces! Gains intel, lets him go! Whole party dicks around for days! Shouting?! Throw down a rope! TERORBYTE dives overboard, smashing fiery man’s tiny craft! LAW grabs rope, dives overboard for TERORBYTE! Retrieves chest of gold from sea floor! Fog sets in! Oh no! Lightning bolts like crazy! Striking the whole party! Fireballs galore! Apollo flying! TERORBYTE runs, jumps, misses! The giant appears! Smashes people! Harry Balsaque (it’s French!) lights him on fire! Giant turns into a demon! TERORBYTE climbs aboard! Demon explodes things! LAW prepares to open a barrel of whupass, but! ROLLS A NATURAL FUCKING ONE! TERORBYTE piles on the beatdown! Giant-turned-demon tries to flee! TERORBYTE winds up for the killing blow, but! ROLLS ANOTHER NATURAL ONE! Jason swears at Anthony and hits him in the face! LAW picks up Dragonshard! Orders Daedalus to build a Gate! Dun-dun-DUN!

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Previously on "The Adventures of Im"

With his party destroyed (though confidence still intact) and a wall of appendages blocking his path, Im was more confused than ever. The might that Im normally relied on would get him nowhere, and Recke’s voodoo magic was rarely of any use. The obvious solution was obvious; more cannon fodder was needed. With a huff and a puff and his chin held high, Im began hiking back to the airship, with his faithful companion following behind. The flying beast would have been difficult to maneuver for a normal man, but Im effortlessly flew it back to Apaut in “little” time. Expecting to find more weaklings and expendables in Apaut, Im instead found what he thought would be a powerful ally, LAW. Recruiting him seemed to be a brilliant idea at the time, along with his companion TerrorByte. Two Warforged companions! What could go wrong?

With a resounding THUD Im slammed into the desert floor below. The impact was so great, their actually was a resonance off nearby cacti. Brushing off the blood, sand, and shame, Im rose from his feet. Apparently, LAW and TerrorByte were more interested in the ship than they were Im’s plans, and that seemed rather rude to Im. Ungrateful can openers, they were.

THUD

With Recke’s body in tow, Im began marching towards victory. Not entirely sure where it lies, but he would be sure to find it.

Meanwhile….

LAW and TerrorByte fly East, towards a goal of LAW’s. What he needed is of little question, as nobody questions LAW. Their scout Apollo meets them on the way, with various details that are of little concern. What did interest them, however, was the meteor-like island of aliens creatures. Tact was not something this party required, so land they did. Gratuitous violence was the quickest solution, so LAW and TerrorByte charged into action, carelessly slaying while Apollo rained death from the air. And somewhere along the line, a Raptoran appeared. This concerned them little. Continuing their frenzy, they killed every creature on the rock until possession of the arbitrary artifact was theirs.

And so this concludes the adventures of our heroes, anti-heroes, and LAW.

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DM-47, PCs-3

When last we left our valiant troupe of adventurers, they had recently vanquished towering pillar of sand aided and abetted by an otherwise mundane assassin. Despite Recke’s attempt at dramatically disemboweling his assailant by assuming the form of a hideous beast from beyond the pale, Im completely stole his thunder by landing on the dude’s head, as Ims are wont to do. Silently fuming, Recke pressed on, with the rest of the group.

Leaving this room behind, the company stumbled into a vast chamber, open to the air above (but not on purpose). Recke spied some figures on the far distant horizon — one gigantic one surrounded by several fearful, normal-sized people. How he did this, no one had any idea, since these figures were hours from here. Apparently, sitting in dark ship cabins reading books all the time gives you fucking eagle eyes. Anyway, this sounded like an obvious clue to those involved, so they all started tromping in that direction. They got about ten feet before trouble set in, which, at this point, is actually pretty good progress, considering. Aros took the first hit, and felt an icy grasp that numbed his mind. He was blind to his attacker, as were his companions. After some wild sword swings and some frosty conjuring, the mage-slayer was able to bring about a refuge for his party to gain some respite. Their ice-cream headaches finally past, the remaining members of Zefiyas — wait, no, they all died or got left behind in an earlier session. Anyway, everybody bravely and stupidly left their hidey-hole to confront their unseen attackers. And promptly got their asses handed to them, especially Im, who wasn’t that bright to begin with.

After a further retreat into a pocket plane, Aros, Recke, and Amon devised a plan. Recke would cut a finger from Im’s sword hand, take his Totally Eighties Jazzercise Sweat Band, and teleport himself out of there. Aros and Amon would fly out, with Aros bravely recovering Im’s remains and bearing them back to the airship for proper burial. It kind of worked out like that, with Amon takining off, and Aros getting more ice-cream headaches before dropping Im’s body like the useless luggage it was and getting the hell out. Once he got back to the ship, Amon communicated — via some very complex hand gestures — that they were going to forget the idea of completing their duty, and just bug out back to Winterwall. Aros offered to pilot the ship, so that they would get there in one piece. Amon just glared.

Three weeks later, Aros landed the ship SAFELY at Winterwall, much to everyone’s amazement, since they had never seen an airship land safely before, and were unaware such a thing could be done. Aros and Amon went to the head of the guard, mostly so Aros could learn just what the hell was going on, since he’d only recently moved to Escartum from Eberron. Amon didn’t have much to say. Fortunately, Recke was doing something useful, like getting Father Derrick to bring Im back. Unfortunately, Father Derrick also put Recke and Amon under a Geas, forcing them to ‘finish what they had started.’ Oh, also, Amon had to ‘pay for services rendered.’ Aros thought this was pretty funny, since he was totally and bad-assedly unaffected by Father Derrick’s shenanigans.

With no other choice but to comply, Amon, Aros, and Reck all jumped back aboard the airship, and flew another three weeks back to the gorge in the desert, making their fifteen minute stop at Winterwall one of the biggest wastes of time to date. On the trip back, Aros completely embarassed a naked Im by soundly and flawlessly beating him at a duel, as well as somehow having larger genitalia. Im said it was because he was cold, but c’mon, the guy’s over seven feet tall and lives in the mountains. He should be used to the cold. All that aside, once the ship landed, the four of them got back to work, hiking through the gorge, this time up to where Recke last saw all those figures in the distance. They were gone, of course, because it had been almost two months since the party was last here. Amon and Aros, bored with the relative calm and total lack of death in the past few days, found a nice patch of quicksand and jumped in. The quicksand, to their delight, was actually a monstrous sand elemental. Battle ensued, and resulted in Amon and Aros being buried somewhere in five hundred tons of elemental. After some quick math, Im decided that he wasn’t holding Amon’s rope afterall, and spent the next ten minutes digging a small hole in search of his friend and captain. Recke, quickly grasping the gravity of the situation, did what any good magic user would do: turn into a giant fucking dinosaur and kick some sandy ass. Despite horrible luck, he eventually found both Amon and Aros, and was able to excavate them.

Moving boldly onward, the squad of heroes moved into the trapezoid, reassured by Amon that despite the name, there were no actual traps. There was, however a long hallway bisected by a passageway that led to two rooms. One was empty, while the other had some sort of werewolf accompanied by a cleric of too-high caster level for the party to fight. This was quickly proven as Aros, the anti-spell-casting dynamo was quickly immobilized and stabbed in the throat, resulting in a relatively disappointing death scene. Everyone else took advantage of this, and quickly dispatched the remaining foes, safe in the knowledge that the loot would only be split three ways. Then, after some mucking about with a door made of body parts (wtf?), they ascended a spiral stair case to a room full of mooks and false gods. Well, false god. There was a lot of debate, and arguing about who was good and who was not, and basically what happened was nobody knew who was on first, so the party started killing everybody. They held off killing someone claiming to be Anubis, the jackal-headed Egyptian (Ed: Khemitian) god of death. While he never really proved himself, Im at least went along with it for shits and giggles, and wrestled him in to submission before letting him go. Amon, pissed off that Im didn’t at least give Jojo the jackal-faced boy a noogie before releasing him, tried to make off with all of his phat lewt, with the help of Recke. Predictably, Amon died and Recke went temporarily insane.

Flying Shark! A vicious aerial killing machine! Flying Crocodile! An equally aerial killing machine! They will battle in a battle where there can be no winner! Who will win? Tune in next time to find out! Watch, I say! Watch it all!

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Mister Sandman

Bells. The alarms of the town were ringing, echoed by the growing shouts of the villagers as they rushed toward the burning hut. Recke escaped with his life after the attack, rushing to the airship only to find Filiel stumbling out of it. After a quick embrace, he told her what had happened and that everyone else was dead. The loss of Im wasn’t alarming, however the fact that their newcomer, Mantawogan was now gone was alerting. The duo quickly met up with Amon, who stated he saw nothing unusual at his post. After learning the others were dead…his first concern was for their items.

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"What did you do to my house?"

When we last left our adventurers, they had decided to rest up at a developing fortress to the north. After gathering some information and feeding the locals berries, the crew decided to set out, heading east in The Minotaur. After flying near the mountains for a good time, a massive castle could be seen below. Im, through his mountainous travels, knew that this was the home of a retired couple, once great adventurers themselves. There was also a village in front of the castle, so the team decided to land, against Filiel’s wishes. As soon as the ship landed, Recke headed straight for the castle, and asked to speak to the lady of the house. Recke asked the woman, from one adventurer to another, whether she had seen or heard about a magical temple in the desert to the south, for it is the location of a great artifact that Im, and the rest of the party for that matter, is in desperate need of. Unfortunately, she had no information on this specific temple, only that there are a great number of ancient temples to the south. After donating some rations to the crew, the lady dismissed Recke, who returned to the ship and the lift off was shortly after.

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Previously on Devilish Incursions!

We return to our heroes after witnessing their triumphant defeat of what could be speculated as a simple Fire Giant. However, their troubles did not end so easily. Upon further exploration, our heroes found themselves facing one of their most challenging puzzles yet. No seriously, it was a bunch of crap. Luckily, Im was there to lead to party. Despite his god awful Wisdom and complete lack of foresight, he seemed ever familiar with riddles such as these. It was probably some class in Goliath Badass School or something. One of those extra credit classes that all the other Goliath’s laughed at. Im must have four pointed it. Nerd.

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A Fresh Start

Alright folks, as you can tell from my last post, my time has been short these past few weeks and I haven’t had a chance to properly update. Lucky for me, I don’t really have to anymore as one of our own posted a very good biography that happens to sum up just about everything that I glossed over. I encourage you all to read it here:

http://www.obsidianportal.com/campaign/devilish-incursion/wikis/kerael-recke

As always, I encourage you all to post the thoughts of your various characters on matters as they happen as well.

Mantowagan saved the day for his traveling companions again, melting faces and inserting his authoritah. But he can’t take all the credit: his killosaur’s dick is slightly bigger (this could be because he’s a seven foot, three-hundred pound dinosaur who knows Shaq-Fu). Needless to say, the party lives in a constant state of fear of the druid, knowing that at any moment he could bend them over and take them to brown-town.

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Gnomish Pranks

Seeking to stop the raids on the caravans, the bold heroes disguise themselves as a merchant caravan and head off into the desert sands.

After a few days travel, half of which is through a dastardly dust storm, the heroes find themselves beset upon by fire giants. Could these be the folks causing

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